And Now For The Magic!

So the exams are over… and have been for quite some time… In fact I’ve even got the results… Apparently I had learned something but it wasn’t quite enough to meet the highest end of the criteria we’d be set. A couple of B’s and C’s… come to think of it there might have been some A’s in there too… All in all it boiled down to a solid 2-1. So, more work is needed next year if I’m to achieve a First.

So that’s the education side of things pretty much dealt with since I’m taking a not-so-well deserved summer holiday and there’ll be no uni for me ’til September or October at the latest.

Now for the magic of my tumulutous relationships and the wreckage that I’ve wreaked (notice my love of alliteration) on the friendships that ought to follow.

I’ve been with Charlotte for… erm… over six months now (the ‘erm’ is my expression of ‘i’m not sure exactly how long’ and not ‘it’s complicated’) and it’s going well, I’ve met most of her friends and they’re sound people, and I’ve not made any major cock-ups… yet…

All this is well and good but for the last 6 months or so, on and off, I’ve been seeing Alice (the only girl with whom I’ve had a half-decent relationship with) in my dreams. There’s nothing sexual or romantic about these encounters, she’s usually just telling me that she doesn’t want to see me/be near me etc etc… OR we’ve been acting like mates. These dreams, I think, were sparked off by an incident in a nightclub back home called Toast (I may have already described the situation in a previous post) where she, upon realising I was in the same building, left with her friends in tow. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d been drunk (or maybe it’d have been worse, I dunno) but I was really hurt by the fact that she couldn’t even be in the same club as me, even in a different room. So, anyway, I think that’s what started these dreams and after waking from one such dream I took it upon myself to get hold of Alice to try and see what the hell was going on and to ask if there might have been another reason for her to leave the club. So I wrote her a letter (believing that my e-mail account would be blocked and not having a phone number for her). The letter kinda turned from one questioning the current situation into one begging her for forgiveness and asking if we could be friends again. I couldn’t be frank and logical when I wrote it. I got a reply (which I wasn’t really expecting) and it outlined why she a) didn’t trust me and b) why she didn’t think we could ever be friends again. All well and good but the answers to my questions weren’t answered by her reply and to be honest I felt a little worse by the fact that at one point she said she became scared by me (who in their right mind could be scared of ME!?!) anyway, I wrote her a reply and have received an e-mail from her sister (who has kind of been a mediator in this whole issue) saying that SHE’D read it on the behest of Alice and decided Alice didn’t need to read it and it has been binned. I have been requested to send no more letters to her and try and move on. If I haven’t been able to get my head around it in nearly a year I don’t know how I’ll come to understand any time in the future… For now I will just sit and sulk until inspiration comes to me or I forget about the whole thing…

PHEW!!! So, yeah… All this whilst I’ve been with Charlotte, who doesn’t have the internet and therefore won’t be able to read this, which makes no odds because she’s heard pretty much everything up until Alice’s reply and has been supporting me stoically, whilst probably raging inside about the fact I still have Alice on the mind and that I’m mentioning her on a semi-frequent basis. Bless her.

So… You’d think that I’d write more lyrics or something (emotional times are usually a half decent inspiration for ‘woe-is-me’ kinda songs) but I’ve not even thought about it really. I’m more annoyed than emotionally charged about the whole thing. So… grrrr….

Thanks for reading this guys (assuming that there is more than one person who checks this place, lol)


~ keep the peace or pour your heart out onto the page only to find that it spills over the edge and stains, and when the floodgates are open no walls can contain ~